Suffering Well – The Big Picture
1 Peter 3:1-6 Overview:
1Pe 3:1 – Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 – when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 – Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear 4 – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. 5 – For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 – as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening. (ESV)
Suffering Well – the Big Picture
Do you long to be (or perhaps, enjoy being) beautiful in your husband’s eyes? All during my 30 years of marriage I know I sure did. And when a Christian husband is in fellowship with the Lord and obedient to the Word, that’s how he tends to see his wife – as a vision of beauty – sometimes even when she’s not being all that lovely. Or as some of my older relatives used to say, even when “she’s acting ugly”.
But what happens when a husband is not living in obedience to the Word? (Christian or not) What if he’s characteristically impatient? Or perpetually, inconsiderately, leaves his laundry on the floor? Or year after year subtly ignores his wife’s presence? Or perhaps he has been unfaithful, or struggles with an addiction, or is even physically abusive?
Because my husband and I were both sinners when we married, I can fully identify with problems in a marriage. We had issues; some stemmed from him, some from me, and some because of synergy. (Know what I mean?) I needed verses 1-6, and he needed verse 7 (“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.”) Did I mention we were both sinners? These verses in 1 Peter 3 reveal God’s awareness of and His caring heart about difficulties and challenges in a marriage.
Important: The Context of 1 Peter
The book of 1 Peter was written to a dispersed church who were scattered everywhere because of mass persecution of Christians, and they were suffering greatly. Peter wrote this book (in part) to encourage them and to give them a vision of the way God uses hardships and trials to bring about His ultimate good.
And there were all kinds of suffering going on, not just in the community at large, but also inside individual homes as well. God knows, and He lovingly addresses that issue. He inspired that this very practical portion of scripture be included in a book on how to suffer well, and it’s in the middle of the book. That in itself is significant, and gives encouragement to the reader. He knows! He cares!
With that in mind, look at these other verses in 1 Peter (and remember, this is the same book; the context is important). Chapter 4:12-13 says, “Do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice, insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed.”
Chapter 1:7 “so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ”.
Looking at Sin in General
Does it ever frustrate you that your husband sins? (Is a desert dry?) Let me ask another question: Do you ever sin? In large part, the reason any of us are disobedient to the Word (aka: sin) is because we think the sin will help us out in some way. A white lie will get us out of a jam. That 30th pair of shoes, or abuse of some drug, or 2 large pieces of chocolate cake will make us feel better. A bit of bitterness in our heart somehow mentally seems to keep our offender in some kind of a moral checkmate. A sharp, hurtful rebuttal will give someone the message to stay away.
Have you ever considered that a whole lot of our sinning is our faulty way of avoiding some kind of suffering? But there’s a problem with sin. It always damages – both the one who is sinning, and others. Sin is never a good “solution”. It just causes more suffering. But if we choose not to give into the sin, doesn’t that mean we simultaneously choose to experience the pain we want to avoid? Perhaps, maybe even probably. Either way the hard stuff will happen. So, let’s not miss the opportunity to walk with the Lord in obedience to Him.
Looking at Suffering in General
The general subject of suffering is far, far too vast to cover in this little blog! I’ve listed at the end of the blog some books you may want to read on the subject. But suffice it to say that the whole world hurts because of sin, in general. (Romans 8:22) And we each individually suffer because of specific sins – our own, and other’s.
But we aren’t the only ones. God Himself suffers because of sin – our sin. He experiences sorrow, and agony. Plus, all He is, and feels, and does is infinite! He is the Great Sufferer of the universe. And His response? To redeem us. And He did so via the path of increased suffering. But He suffered well. And that’s the whole point of these verses – how to suffer well when living with a spouse who is causing suffering because they aren’t living in obedience to the Word.
The Gospel in the Middle of Relationship
God is calling wives here to be a picture to their husbands, who are living in disobedience to the Word, of how the Gospel works in a relationship. He wants a wife to be an illustration to her husband of Christ’s redemptive love. Suffering well is always redemptive – at least for the person who is responding in such a way. Suffering well as a Christian is a portrayal to an offender, and to a sinning world, of God’s grace-filled response to sin. God’s solution to sin is always the Gospel.
What Suffering Well Is, and What It Is Not
This blog series is an unpacking of 6 verses in 1 Peter 3, and it’s my guess, posting every other week, we will be at it for about a year and a half. This context-setting introduction on the general theme of the book of Suffering Well, is a 3-part sub-set. It is crucially important to understand what suffering well really is, and perhaps more importantly, what it is not. In our next blog we will explore those significant differences.
Recommended Reading
If God is Good by Randy Alcorn
The Gospel According to Job by Mike Mason
The Hiding Place by Corrie ten Boom
When God Weeps. Why Our Sufferings Matter to the Almighty by Joni Erickson Tada & Steve Estes
Why Suffering? Finding Meaning and Comfort When Life Doesn’t Make Sense by Ravi Zacharias & Vince Vitale