Lessons in Riding Tandem
Recently my wife and I had an opportunity to ride a tandem bicycle. It was both enjoyable and challenging. I rode Captain, the front, and my wife rode Stoker, the back. Riding the tandem required working together and communicating for the greater good. Every move made affected the other person, either for the positive or the negative. The little things taken for granted when riding solo can cause confusion and conflict when in tandem. The need to communicate was mandatory; and communication happened whether it was verbal or non-verbal. Many times I felt things were proceeding just fine, but I hadn’t voiced my intentions, and the “Stoker” felt left behind. We needed “pre-ride counseling” but ended up learning some important lessons the hard way.
When we looked at riding the tandem, we envisioned great fun. We both had expectations of working and being together, while enjoying the beauty of the surrounding mountains and meadows. I could imagine us talking about everything as we breezed around the countryside. Soon, I found my riding style much different than my wife’s. My cadence was faster. I was used to jackrabbit starts and my comfort zone in traffic was different than hers. When I didn’t
include my wife in what I was thinking, she was quite surprised by my jumping into traffic as she was waiting for a “better” opportunity. Also the first couple times stopping the cycle proved a challenge. She couldn’t read my mind to know exactly when I was stopping and which way I would lean. Something as simple as getting on and off the cycle had to be coordinated and talked through so we function as a team and not two individuals. I found myself having to slow down, think ahead of what was coming, and explain what to expect, so she was with me.
At one point along a busy road I glanced back to check for traffic. I compensated for my change in balance. What I didn’t expect was my wife naturally compensated for my move. Suddenly our straight track took a jolt into a busy roadway and a quick jog back to recover. Part of me wanted to get upset; I really didn’t like the shot of fear and adrenaline I got from the surprise and embarrassment of “not steering straight”. It would have been easy to get upset, but it wasn’t her fault. I had not communicated what to do, and we were both still learning. Learning to ride tandem takes retraining yourself, along with patience and faith in your partner.
Learning to ride tandem is a lot like working together in a marriage. Each must understand their roles. When communication breaks down, it’s easy to end up on the “ground” and not enjoy the “ride”. The dream of the great time together can easily fade when we are focused on the problems and not on the solutions. It takes patience, understanding and communication to make a marriage work efficiently. There can be beautiful times and great memories when working together.
How is your marriage going? Are you functioning as a team or two individuals? If you are doing your own thing without communicating; you may end up frustrating one another instead of experiencing the joy of teamwork. When the team is working properly, the joy and fulfillment is worth much more than the energy it takes to get there!