VICTIM OR VICTOR
Sometimes people do and say things that hurt, and some hurts go very deep. Things happen to us that are out of our control and it seems easier to “build walls” to avoid being hurt again. When others sympathize with us and offer comfort, we feel understood and cared for, creating opportunity for relationship. A healthy person will choose to appreciate the care and sympathy of friends so they can get back on their feet, forgive, learn, and grow. Unfortunately, many fall into the pride of self-pity, making sure others know how much they have been hurt. They continually bring up how they were wronged, both in their own heart, and with other people, closing the door on relationship.
This victim mentality is a trap. Although nobody really likes being a victim it has “benefits” that deepen the deception. I recently read a book by Brian Klemmer, The Compassionate Samurai where he identified some of the “benefits” of being a victim:
* As a victim you can gain sympathy from the people around you. You can get a lot of attention.
* You don’t have to work hard because it’s not your responsibility, after all, that’s just the way you are.
* As a victim you don’t have to face the discomfort that comes with change.
* You can feel justified about why you can’t do something, while your explanation for why you can’t do it keeps you looking good in the eyes of others.
There are also some expensive costs to being a victim which include:
* Feeling bad about ourselves, low self-esteem, and low self-respect
* Never being able to reach our true potential in life. We stagnate in our growth, undermining our own dreams and aspirations.
* Additionally, we lose the respect of others, even those who originally sympathized with us. It alienates all those who do not continue to sympathize with us.
The victim lifestyle affects all those that are near and dear. Until we are willing to face these costs and chose to face our fears and pain, we are trapped as a victim and will never find freedom.
The opposite of being a victim is to walk as a victor. It comes down to a choice. How do you want to live? You can be a victim and receive the “benefits” from sympathy and self-pity or make a choice for victory. It takes courage to be a victor. It means taking responsibility for your life, your direction, and for your choices. Choosing to be a victor is not a denial of what you have been through. Although difficult, it is choosing to overcome that hurt and pain. It’s making the choice to focus on the Lord, not your circumstances.
If we choose to play the victim we leave no room for God to deal with our situation. We stay stuck in it emotionally. In Romans 12 “Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it is written, Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. “But if your enemy is hungry, feed him, and if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” Also in 1 Cor. 13:5 “Love. . . does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered.” Walking as a victor then is choosing to let God take care of His part and learning to love others the way God loves us.
After WWII, Victor Frankl, the Jewish psychologist who survived time in a Nazi concentration camp wrote, “They striped me naked. They took everything — my wedding ring, watch. I stood there naked, and all of a sudden realized at that moment that although they could take everything away from me — my wife, my family, my possessions — they could not take away my freedom to choose how I was going to respond.” He made a very hard choice, but it freed his heart from the prison.
During the American Civil War over 600,000 soldiers from the South died, but a heartfelt prayer survived. It was the Prayer of the Unknown Confederate Soldier, a soldier’s unrequited but unsurpassed prayer:
I asked God for strength, that I might achieve,
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey…
I asked for health, that I might do greater things,
I was given infirmity that I might do better things…
I asked for riches, that I might be happy,
I was given poverty that I might be wise…
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men,
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God…
I asked for all things, that I might enjoy life,
I was given life, that I might enjoy all things…
I got nothing that I asked for- but everything I hoped for,
Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.
I am among all men, most richly blessed.
We always have choices when we face unfair things in life. You can choose to focus on your pain and remain a victim, or give all the negative thoughts, emotions and circumstances to the Lord and walk with Him to victory over them. The choice is really yours. Can you say with the soldier you are richly blessed?
Bob Hardin
Director – NWBCC
Testimonies
· We have been married more than 20 years. I have really never felt love or feel that I gave love. This week I found out why I was not allowing that to take place. I am for the first time looking forward to coming home and spending time with my wife.
· We first married because we loved our differences. But afterwards, we were not happy and hated our differences. God broke through and revealed that is why we are perfect partners for each other. God never fails! My husband is the one God wants me to be with! I’m ready to enjoy our differences again.
· God exposed the lie that I’m “weak and insignificant” and helped me deal with the unforgiveness that has given it grounds in my life. And I’ve been reminded of God’s acceptance, that I can do anything that He calls me to through His strength.
Prayer Needs
· Strength and Safety for Bob, Brian and other RAMROD riders, before, during and after rally.
· Pray for many more supporters, large and small, with a caring heart for marriages and families.
· Oct. 16, Front Row Seat, all the details work well.
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”
Margaret Thatcher, British Prime Minister