THE “GIFT” OF SHAME
Over the last few months the battery on my phone had been getting weaker and weaker to the point it wouldn’t hold a charge even three or four hours. I‘d been putting up with it and tried to make sure I had a backup option to plug it in, but it was getting quite annoying. I tend to like all my things to work as designed, and this phone was failing me. To be honest, it wasn’t the phone’s fault. I’ve had this particular unit for at least 3 to 4 years and it had served faithfully until recently. I shouldn’t expect things to work forever without some maintenance, yet, I got frustrated when it came up short of my unrealistic expectations.
Well, I bit the bullet and decided to replace the battery. After some research, I purchased the battery and tool kit, then waited until I had a block of time to perform the operation. I went over the step by step process a couple times so as not to make a mistake and started the procedure. Taking out the screws was easy enough. Then came the step of pulling the screen off the case. It was on pretty tight. I tried multiple ways and it would budge only a fraction of an inch. Finally, I braced my arms, slowly increased the force, and it opened. Boy did it open! It opened so hard and fast that it ripped one of the inner cables right in two.
The totality of what just happened started to sink into my brain, “I just broke my phone!” Various feelings rushed through me. I was shocked, angry, sad, disappointed, crushed, and shamed. Here I was trying to make things better and instead I “bricked” my phone. Of all my inner feelings, the one that shocked me was how shameful I felt. It was almost debilitating. Not only that, but I needed to tell my wife and spend additional funds to replace the broken phone. It felt like shame upon shame.
Now the counselor in me started to analyze myself. Why was this so very shameful for me? I was trying to do well and it didn’t turn out like I hoped. It’s natural to feel disappointment but the weight of shame was out of balance for the actual situation.
I was slowly realizing that our Lord was working something in me. He was unearthing some issues in my heart so I would deal with them. I started realizing how much I was still placing my personal significance on my ability to fix and repair things. I’ve always been able to take something broken, reverse engineer the problem, and if possible, find ways to repair it at great savings. Failing to accomplish that hit my pride and self-sufficiency hard—really hard. It felt like I was a terrible person who was wasting money and time. SHAME on me!
It was hard sharing my “failure” with my wife but she became a representative of God for me when I needed it most. She just responded, “Okay, we just need to get another phone.” It wasn’t this big terrible failure to her! She had grace for me to make a mistake and still see the best in me. She stayed relational with me through it all.
I’ll probably still have to deal with shame again, but this experience did something in me that addressed the lie in my heart that “If I break something, even accidentally, that makes me a terrible person”. I wouldn’t have been able to identify that except for the circumstances above. It became obvious when face to face with it.
Additionally, the grace I received from my wife to face disappointments and failures without losing relationship—staying connected brought great healing and actually strengthened our relationship.
I see our heavenly Father doing so much more for us when we take time to connect with Him. He can deal with our disappointments and failures, our fears and shame, our setbacks and sins, without losing relationship with us. He wants us to come to Him with it all, good and bad, big and small, and enter into a healthy, real, growing relationship with Him. His perfect love casts out fear. As we fall in love with Him, He is able to take our shame and sins, and replace them with grace and peace. Our Father is the greatest recycler. He takes all our garbage and turns it into good in us.
Bob Hardin
Director – NWBCC
Testimonies
· During counseling God showed me that: 1. Truth always works together with grace. 2. God cares about restoring our heart and emotions, not just our minds. 3. We can have gratitude in the midst of difficulty. 4. God has abundant life for us now, not just when we are “holy enough” to warrant blessing. 5. God cares about our hearts and doesn’t just expect us to override our emotions with solid theology. 6. I realized I’m trying to be more “just” than God is when I insist on beating myself up for failings when He has already freely forgiven me. 7. I realized Satan’s attacks through lies are what keep me in bondage, not my failures or seeming inability to please God.
Prayer Needs
· Please pray for those needing help and hope to have the courage to schedule, and the willingness to let God deal deeply with their issues, trusting Him for His solutions, purposes, and resolutions.
“Beware of refusing to go to the funeral of your own independence.”
Oswald Chambers